Love, Pain, and the Whole Crazy Thing

Pain tears through her heart as she closes the door

she closes the door and locks the locks

no one can break in

no one can harm her

no one will be able to break down that door

She puts up walls to keep the bad guys out

and the more and more she lives the more and more she believes that there are more bad guys than good

what she really wants is for someone to knock gently on her door

ask to come in and stay for a while

what she really wants is for that someone to get along with the One person that occupies her heart

Her God occupies her heart

And he has another plan in mind

The good guy will NOT knock gently on her door

but rather know that he is suppose to go

He will be lead there

to the wall

and the door with so many locks

to keep the bad guys out

but she will know that he, 

he is different

he won't hurt her, not like the others did

no, he won't be perfect, he can't be perfect,

but all relationships have some problems

It will be worth it

because God will have Blessed it

God will make them work together,

they will work things out, 

distance

age

differences

goals

plans

dreams

God will make them all come together 

And soon God will have healed her heart

without her knowing by using someone she thought she wanted to lock out

♥ Amanda

Saving Myself

♥True Love Waits♥

I wear this ring for myself.

I wear it for a promise.

A promise i promised many years ago.

To God

To Myself

To my Parents

To my Husband

I would Wait

I would Save

I will be Pure

I can give my Whole Heart

I can share something only with him

I can be proud of myself

And he can know that i'm all his

He can know that i'm not comparing him to anyone

he can know that i have been waiting for him my whole life

he can know that i fought for this

He can know the depth of my love

I did it for me and him. No one else

Think what you want

Say what you want

Joke if you wish

But know this people of THIS world

I am of GOD'S universe,

And I have something that many of you can never get back

♥Amanda

The Perfect Date

I always preach about a southern gentleman. I actually had the opportunity to date one, but passed it up. He was by all means a perfect catch. He is a co-owner of a company, works and goes to school at the same time. He actually enjoys going to church and feels lost on Sundays when he is unable to make it to church. He enjoys spending time with his family and many of the other things that i also enjoy. BUT ( yes there always has to be a but) I have no feelings for him other than friendship. I tried I really really tried. I wanted to make it work. i wanted to be your girl I wanted to talk to you every night on the phone. i wanted to hang out every possible chance. i wanted all of this, but it never came. I prayed  and begged God for him to send the feelings, but they were never received. And I did you wrong by "falling" for your best friend. And I got a dose of my own medicine. Because it just showed me how great of a guy you truly are. Anyone to put up with him for so many years deserves the Best Friend Award. Just Please Know that I truly did try. Know that it really made me feel special when you were so worried when i was in the hospital. I really loved waking up to texts from you and saying my last Good-Night to you. Just know that I tried, i tried harder than anyone has ever tried before to make the feelings be there. But yet, they are not there. They never came.You were so sweet and asked to hold my hand and showed real respect, yet I couldn't make the feelings be there. And for that I truly am sorry. 

♥Amanda

Southern Gentlemen, Settling, Sex, Dating, and Aids

Wow, what an interesting night. sorry if anybody actually reads this, i'm just gonna ramble on this blog. You know what sucks? 

When you meet a guy and you think they're great. 

BUT apparently they only care about one thing and we all know what that is. 

It's very sad when people joke about guys only wanting one thing and then 

you actually learn its true. 

What happened to all those good southern men from all those western movies? 

Wheres my southern gentleman?
Not dating someone because they won't have sex with you only makes you look like a big fat ugly pig...oink oink Baby.

 Sex doesn't come up on the first date, much less before you even date, thats something you find out about much later. You like me but not if i won't sleep with you. And you say that i'm to young for you but having a relationship based solely on sex is pretty immature to me.
Your a big fat jerk and i wish that you would just drop off the face of the earth. And what's sad is that even when I heard it from my friend( thats right don't tell me, tell my roommate and expect her to relay the message on) I didn't want to believe, I still liked you for a small amount of time.
Dear Stud Muffin, I could really use one of your hugs right now. They make everything ok.

I'm Outtie
♥ Amanda

MR. Perfect

Kiss my tears away, Hold my hand in walmart, cook dinner with me, text me in the morning, call me at night, send me flowers, buy me those 25 cent rings from those gumball machines, sing with me in the car, play a song for me, tell me your hopes, dreams and fears, take me bungee jumping, take me on a picnic, go grocery shopping me, have a foam fight while washing dishes, tell me i'm beautiful, be patient while I try on clothes, Respect me enough to wait, laugh at my corny jokes and tell me yours, give me your hoodie, kiss me in the rain, brush the hair out of my eyes,  look me in the eye when you talk to me, let me fall asleep on your arm while watching a movie, don't pressure me, take care of my when i'm sick, bring me breakfast in bed, hold me when i'm sad,  fight with me but always tell me you love me, surprise me with a kiss, cook me dinner sometimes, respect my family, love me for who i Am.

THAT guy

Everyone wants That guy

But does any one truly have him

Our Romantic novels and movies make him seem so common

they put a fake image of true love in our heads

Does anyone have a true Perfect love

or do we hide behind what we want our love to be like

can you control your love

or do you hope who ever you love loves you in return

can you keep yourself from truly loving someone

I finally realized that I don't want THAT guy anymore

I want the guy thats gonna push my buttons

the guy thats gonna stand up to me when he doesn't agree

the guy that is willing to fight 

BUT

the guy that will lend me his hoodie

the guy that will open my door for me

the guy that will think before he speaks 

the guy that will pray over dinner with me...THATS the guy i want

Amanda♥

Why

Why? Why do thoughts of you crowd my mind every waking hour, minute, second of the day? Why is it that i have to make myself busy to not think about you? Why do i think about you? Can you leave me alone for just one day? Why Can i not close my eyes without pictures of you, me, us crossing my mind? Why can't you leave me alone? Why must you be so funny that i laugh constantly not only when I am with you but when I talk to you? Why are you so easy to talk to? I feel like I could tell you i'm an alien or something and there would be no judgement. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of not knowing. I'm a control freak and I'm tired of not knowing....Tired of being scared

Amanda♥

The Girl

Once Upon A time there was a girl. This girl was fun loving, beautiful, she found hope in many things, she thrived on the hope of a better tomorrow, yet few really understood this girl to her capacity. The ones who did, did. And the ones who didn't thought they did. She was fun to be around always able to be a comforter at her weakest moment. She now thrives on the hope of going back to who she use to be...did she loose herself or simply take a detour? She wants to be the happy girl again, the girl that never let anything get to her, the girl that always wondered how people could actually be depressed when they had so much to thank God for, the girl who doesn't cry for no apparent reason, the girl who doesn't keep secrets, the girl who didn't fall for a stupid boy, the girl who was always positive never negative, the girl who always found the good in a bad situation, the girl who was a fighter, the girl who stood up for her beliefs instead of floating hopelessly on an inter tube in the middle of the ocean.
Amanda ♥

Just A Thought

The day has been filled with moments of Thinking

Thinking of The One who Hurt me 

Thinking of My Future

Thinking of What Does Loving someone really mean

Thinking of The Friend thats always too Busy

Thinking of The Guy " I'm Suppose to End up with" 

Thinking That These Shoes Really Hurt My feet

Thinking

Thinking

Thinking

Thinking So much that my mind became a black hole of Chaos

Thinking That if these four Years were over maybe I could Enjoy Life Really

Thinking That if that Someone came into my Life today would I know it, would i welcome them with open arms or turn them away with my shy exterior. 

Thinking That Maybe my friends really don't understand the Me that God does

Thinking Why Can I say so much behind a Computer or Phone but in person I Run

Thinking Why do guys usually run when things get complicated

Thinking Why He can't accept me for who I am...Why was I not good enough

Thinking Will this class Ever be over

Thinking

Thinking

Thinking 

Thinking Until all these thoughts became a jumbled mess and I no longer knew what was going on, my mind had been taken over, I was no longer in control my mind was...and It was going into one thousands different directions and I didn't know which way to Run.
Amanda ♥

The Meaning of Beautiful

Why do we spend our whole lives looking for great love? Sometimes it's right in front of our faces, but usually love finds us when we least expect it. Sometimes we find love in an old friend, sometimes we find love on an elevator, or a coffee shop, or in class next to you, or on a train, or crowded street, or in a taxi, or randomly walking around in a crowded wall. When I find this great love...or more like when this great love  finds me, I want it to be a crazy thing. Like the whole world stops turning for that split second when our eyes meet. Sometimes I just want someone to show me some attention, just call me beautiful, just tell me that I am appreciated, and loved. Yes, I hear these comments numerous times coming from friends and family members but there is just more meaning behind it if it comes out of the mouth of a guy and if they truly mean it. Its magical. I once thought that one certain person would ruin the word beautiful for me because they used it time and time again and the word lost its meaning. I want my great love to be my only love. I want to only fall in love once. When I finally find this great love I want him to be able to receive my whole heart. I want my great love to be a beautiful love. 

Amanda♥

Random Ramblings

I'm one of those people who cant stand to be alone yet thats when i have the most relaxing time. i would rather hang out with one or two close friends than go to some shin dig with a lot of people. You can read my thoughts if you look me in my eyes. i show my emotion like its on the big screen yet you will never see me cry. I don't curse I find it extremely unladylike. I feel sorry for people that are oblivious. i do my best thinking in the shower in bed or while driving all of which make me scramble for pen and paper. i have a serious problem trusting guys. Earning my trust is truly an understatement but if you have it, it takes a lot for you to lose. I have given numerous second and third chances to a guy who probably didn't deserve the first. I will believe that all guys are the same until one comes along that proves me wrong. God will truly do something amazing if you let him...just saying. I am more than a kid at heart...its more like it has been written on my soul. i enjoy the simple things like playing in the rain and coloring in a coloring book. I am very naive and try to look for the bright side in every situation which can get annoying. I love to laugh i believe it is the best workout and it cures all pain. Besides God my family and close friends are my support system. Theres no telling where i would be without the people that support my every decision whether it be right or wrong. Saying i love my parents is like saying i just like music. i truly do not have the words to even being to describe the love and appreciation i have towards them. i am truly awestruck at how two people could possibly be so giving and loving. i would be a lucky girl to find a man that is half the man my daddy is and to turn out half the woman my mother is. The greatest gift i have ever been given is my salvation from spending eternity in hell. I don't deserve it at all but i guess that's how gifts go...all you have to do is receive it. Music is a lovely thing in my life. i cold not make it through college without it. bad day...sad songs...good day...happy songs...and if i am feeling adventurous i expand my music library, but i always come back to my southern roots. My most favorite day of college so far would be the day that my favorite English professor told me i was a writer. I love to read like its going out of style. The sad thing is that reading is going out of style. =/
Amanda♥

Someone To Be

Be Unique
Be Grateful
Be Yourself
Be Happy
Be Thankful
Be Courageous
Be Compassionate
Be Honest
Be crazy
Be good
Be exciting
Be Interesting
Be funny
Be beautiful
Be prepared
Be Kind
Be Unpredictable
Be Daring
Be responsible
Be accepting
Be country
Be loyal
Be faithful
Be well read
Be Loving
Be educated
Be organized
Be presentable
Be creative
Be spontaneous
Be responsive
Be Imaginative
Be musical
Be careful
Be clean
Be quiet
Be thought provoking
Be Loud
Be trustworthy
Be serious
Be polite
Be Prideful
Be humble
Be Dangerous
Be Different
Be Confident
Be Imaginative
Be Comfortable
Be Inspiring
Be Inspired
Be Colorful
Be Memorable
Be Silly
BE YOU
 Amanda♥

This Is Me

You should probably know a little bit about me....My name is Amanda Joyce. I left out my last name cause it won't forever be the same. I'm 18 and one of the few people that love their middle name. I have this crazy love for a thing called baseball. I guess because i grew up around it. If you make me cry you better run. I am not a nerd but anything less than perfect is unacceptable. I like to read and I have a freckle in my right eye. Like I said i'm only 18 and still have a whole lot to learn. But along my journey I have learned a few things. First thing first, family is very important. They are always there no matter how much you screw up. I don't need a guy to define who I am but having one is always nice. Don't try to impress anyone live for you and you alone. I'm not your typical teenage girl. I like mud and dirt. I love adventures, fore wheelers, riding the motorcycle, huntin, fishin, and going to the race. Adrenaline rushes are cool. I'm a tee shirt and jeans kinda girl. I lose myself in music. The lyrics take me to another world. I am passionate for kids. I love being around them. My Goal in life is to be an inspiring teacher and inspire my kids to be who they are and not be ashamed of themselves or what they believe in and to teach them how important an education really is. I'm laid back and not high maintenance at all. Roses are nice but daisies will do. I live in the small town of Byron and go to an even smaller church. Knowing everyone is nice but it can cause problems also. I am a God fearing disciple for Christ. My mom is my best friend. I Should have grown up in the antebellum south. I am very courteous and kind but I ain't afraid to call it like I see it. I can't say i have ever been in love or heartbroken, but i have been in deep like and admiration. I have had the chance to learn that settling is unacceptable and that I want my first love to be my last. For those who entered my life, for those who stayed, and those who left, you have all taught me something with out relationship and my life would not be what is it today without your impact on my life. So thank you, cause I am truly enjoying every bit of the ups and downs God is throwing my way
Amanda♥