Love, Pain, and the Whole Crazy Thing

Pain tears through her heart as she closes the door

she closes the door and locks the locks

no one can break in

no one can harm her

no one will be able to break down that door

She puts up walls to keep the bad guys out

and the more and more she lives the more and more she believes that there are more bad guys than good

what she really wants is for someone to knock gently on her door

ask to come in and stay for a while

what she really wants is for that someone to get along with the One person that occupies her heart

Her God occupies her heart

And he has another plan in mind

The good guy will NOT knock gently on her door

but rather know that he is suppose to go

He will be lead there

to the wall

and the door with so many locks

to keep the bad guys out

but she will know that he, 

he is different

he won't hurt her, not like the others did

no, he won't be perfect, he can't be perfect,

but all relationships have some problems

It will be worth it

because God will have Blessed it

God will make them work together,

they will work things out, 

distance

age

differences

goals

plans

dreams

God will make them all come together 

And soon God will have healed her heart

without her knowing by using someone she thought she wanted to lock out

♥ Amanda

Saving Myself

♥True Love Waits♥

I wear this ring for myself.

I wear it for a promise.

A promise i promised many years ago.

To God

To Myself

To my Parents

To my Husband

I would Wait

I would Save

I will be Pure

I can give my Whole Heart

I can share something only with him

I can be proud of myself

And he can know that i'm all his

He can know that i'm not comparing him to anyone

he can know that i have been waiting for him my whole life

he can know that i fought for this

He can know the depth of my love

I did it for me and him. No one else

Think what you want

Say what you want

Joke if you wish

But know this people of THIS world

I am of GOD'S universe,

And I have something that many of you can never get back

♥Amanda

The Perfect Date

I always preach about a southern gentleman. I actually had the opportunity to date one, but passed it up. He was by all means a perfect catch. He is a co-owner of a company, works and goes to school at the same time. He actually enjoys going to church and feels lost on Sundays when he is unable to make it to church. He enjoys spending time with his family and many of the other things that i also enjoy. BUT ( yes there always has to be a but) I have no feelings for him other than friendship. I tried I really really tried. I wanted to make it work. i wanted to be your girl I wanted to talk to you every night on the phone. i wanted to hang out every possible chance. i wanted all of this, but it never came. I prayed  and begged God for him to send the feelings, but they were never received. And I did you wrong by "falling" for your best friend. And I got a dose of my own medicine. Because it just showed me how great of a guy you truly are. Anyone to put up with him for so many years deserves the Best Friend Award. Just Please Know that I truly did try. Know that it really made me feel special when you were so worried when i was in the hospital. I really loved waking up to texts from you and saying my last Good-Night to you. Just know that I tried, i tried harder than anyone has ever tried before to make the feelings be there. But yet, they are not there. They never came.You were so sweet and asked to hold my hand and showed real respect, yet I couldn't make the feelings be there. And for that I truly am sorry. 

♥Amanda

Southern Gentlemen, Settling, Sex, Dating, and Aids

Wow, what an interesting night. sorry if anybody actually reads this, i'm just gonna ramble on this blog. You know what sucks? 

When you meet a guy and you think they're great. 

BUT apparently they only care about one thing and we all know what that is. 

It's very sad when people joke about guys only wanting one thing and then 

you actually learn its true. 

What happened to all those good southern men from all those western movies? 

Wheres my southern gentleman?
Not dating someone because they won't have sex with you only makes you look like a big fat ugly pig...oink oink Baby.

 Sex doesn't come up on the first date, much less before you even date, thats something you find out about much later. You like me but not if i won't sleep with you. And you say that i'm to young for you but having a relationship based solely on sex is pretty immature to me.
Your a big fat jerk and i wish that you would just drop off the face of the earth. And what's sad is that even when I heard it from my friend( thats right don't tell me, tell my roommate and expect her to relay the message on) I didn't want to believe, I still liked you for a small amount of time.
Dear Stud Muffin, I could really use one of your hugs right now. They make everything ok.

I'm Outtie
♥ Amanda

MR. Perfect

Kiss my tears away, Hold my hand in walmart, cook dinner with me, text me in the morning, call me at night, send me flowers, buy me those 25 cent rings from those gumball machines, sing with me in the car, play a song for me, tell me your hopes, dreams and fears, take me bungee jumping, take me on a picnic, go grocery shopping me, have a foam fight while washing dishes, tell me i'm beautiful, be patient while I try on clothes, Respect me enough to wait, laugh at my corny jokes and tell me yours, give me your hoodie, kiss me in the rain, brush the hair out of my eyes,  look me in the eye when you talk to me, let me fall asleep on your arm while watching a movie, don't pressure me, take care of my when i'm sick, bring me breakfast in bed, hold me when i'm sad,  fight with me but always tell me you love me, surprise me with a kiss, cook me dinner sometimes, respect my family, love me for who i Am.

THAT guy

Everyone wants That guy

But does any one truly have him

Our Romantic novels and movies make him seem so common

they put a fake image of true love in our heads

Does anyone have a true Perfect love

or do we hide behind what we want our love to be like

can you control your love

or do you hope who ever you love loves you in return

can you keep yourself from truly loving someone

I finally realized that I don't want THAT guy anymore

I want the guy thats gonna push my buttons

the guy thats gonna stand up to me when he doesn't agree

the guy that is willing to fight 

BUT

the guy that will lend me his hoodie

the guy that will open my door for me

the guy that will think before he speaks 

the guy that will pray over dinner with me...THATS the guy i want

Amanda♥

Why

Why? Why do thoughts of you crowd my mind every waking hour, minute, second of the day? Why is it that i have to make myself busy to not think about you? Why do i think about you? Can you leave me alone for just one day? Why Can i not close my eyes without pictures of you, me, us crossing my mind? Why can't you leave me alone? Why must you be so funny that i laugh constantly not only when I am with you but when I talk to you? Why are you so easy to talk to? I feel like I could tell you i'm an alien or something and there would be no judgement. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of not knowing. I'm a control freak and I'm tired of not knowing....Tired of being scared

Amanda♥